My daughter has frequently challenged me to realize that it is not good to shelter your children.I have always been at a loss as to how to answer her.
My childhood was storybook. I grew up with parents who love me and still love each other. My family of origin is still intact and good. The biggest thing that happened to me were neighborhood kid squabbles and teenage friendship and boy troubles. That was my only legitimate pain. Small now. When I was 18, my Grandfather died. This was my first encounter with death. I got married at 19, because it was my dream to marry and raise a family. Life was good. No serious challenges except those that belong with adjustment to marriage and motherhood.
Then life started teaching me some hard lessons.
After 19 years of marriage, my husband took up with another woman and divorced me as quickly as possible.
What did I learn from this?
I learned that nice people get walked all over by not nice people. I learned that it does no good to bend yourself over backwards, hoping it will help,...and humiliate yourself, loosing your self respect and esteem even further, if someone is bent on hurting and getting rid of you. There is nothing you can do to change his mind. I began to learn to stick up for myself. I began. I was 39. It would have been much better if I could have learned to stand up for myself in my youth. But shucks, life happens. You don't get to write the script. You can't possibly know what the future holds for you.
Am I ready to say thank you to life for the curve ball it threw me? I think so.
Am I ready to say thank you to life for spoiling my children's familial security and throwing a lot of pain their way?
Only in the sense that it made them into stronger young people and more ready to face their own life.
Time and again I have agonized on their behalf. They were robbed of their innocence and forced to face life without a secure family unit.
I look at them now and I am so proud of them. They are caring, thinking, wanting to make a difference in their world kind of people. They have been forced to look at life from a sad perspective and this has refined their souls.
Indeed, the Refiner of our souls, the Author of life has stirred His rod among us.He has been with us in all this process and He has seen to it to draw our attention to forgiveness and to the rising above, when we could have chosen to become bitter.
This is how I will answer my daughter next time.
We have not stayed in the protection zone of life. We have been thrown into the mainstream. We have almost drowned, but not. The lessons which we each personally learned through this ordeal, we must now pass on to those around and coming after us.
This has made us authentic and genuine. It has begun to.
I truly do not know what else lies ahead, but we can go it with a confidence chip. A program that will direct us and help us.
Life is the best teacher, the Author of life our best source of strength.
What awaits, may come.
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2 comments:
well shucks, that was keenly honest. thanks for sharing!
We are products of our past. The bad experiences define our character and the good experiences are testimonies to our commitment to happiness or should I say resistance to bitterness. God has laid challenges before us, how we deal with them is up to us. We really must embrace all our wisdom building difficulties as life will throw more at us. For better for for worse, we must strive to do the best we can. Looking back and wishing we could have done better only complicates an already complicated life.
For now we have much to be thankful for. We have a large diverse family that has been joined under less-than-desirable circumstances. But none the less "We are a family" and I know there is God's love alive among us.
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